Liverpool return to Premier League action this weekend against Nottingham Forest, mired in the relegation zone, eight points adrift of safety.
Wait, no—sorry. That’s not the table; that’s just the emotional state of certain segments of the fanbase.
Because the Reds currently sit eighth, tucked politely behind Manchester United, a situation that surely violates both natural law and the Geneva Conventions.
And after seven losses in the last ten games, a certain portion of the fanbase has decided the only logical solution is to sack Arne Slot immediately, humanely, and preferably mid-press conference.
Let’s establish one thing. Nobody is pretending the last few weeks have been anything other than a horror show. (Play in an endless loop, the enduring image of Phil Babb smashing his crown jewels against the post many an Anfield afternoon ago). It’s one thing seeing Sunderland sitting pretty in fourth; it’s quite another seeing Manchester United perched smugly above us in the lofty heights of seventh. Several United players reportedly continue to suffer vertigo, unaccustomed to not being nearer to the foot of the table.
Which brings us to the #SlotOut movement, an emotional support group for catastrophists waving around “irrefutable evidence”.
“We’ve lost too many games already”: This one is admittedly bulletproof. Liverpool have indeed lost five League games. Five! That’s practically relegation form, assuming you squint, panic, and ignore literally every other data point.
Of all Premier League champions in history, only Blackburn Rovers in 1993/94 lost as many as seven games. Therefore, by current logic, the margin of error is now so microscopic it requires an electron microscope to detect. Some supporters believe dropping even one more point will cause Bill Shankly to materialise from the clouds and revoke Slot’s parking pass.
There exists, for reasons unfathomable, a passionate subsection of the fanbase who simply believe Liverpool must win every match. All of them. Including friendlies, testimonials, and maybe the school sports day three-legged race. Failure to achieve this perfection? Clear proof the club is collapsing and must be rebuilt from the ashes.
“Slot won the title with Klopp’s team”: A classic. The logic: because Slot inherited Klopp’s squad, last season’s title does not count. Rumour has it that Chris McDowall, Liverpool’s Head Chef, actually masterminded Liverpool’s success while Slot spent most of his time admiring his flowing locks behind closed doors.
If Slot is as incompetent as detractors insist, then by this logic Roy Hodgson could have won the league had he been the man to replace Klopp. Or perhaps one of the tactical geniuses on Twitter would like to give it a go. After all, it apparently does not take much.
Never mind that Slot has introduced new patterns of play and beaten actual Premier League teams; critics insist he is simply cruising on Klopp fumes.
“Slot spent £446m and it’s all gone wrong”: Factually true. Liverpool spent £446m on new players while recouping about £200m in outgoing players. Enough to convince some fans that Michael Edwards, Liverpool’s CEO of Football, was kidnapped and replaced by a man buying players off a wish list created by Football Manager streamers.
Have some signings struggled? Yes.
Has Slot tried using square pegs in round holes? Certainly.
Is this the first time in football history that new signings have not clicked instantly? Shockingly, no.
But to the doom prophets, this does not matter. Isak and Wirtz, generational talents by every metric, are somehow destined to go down in infamy as “the worst signings in club history”, which is impressive, considering El Hadji Diouf once existed.
“Slot is not Klopp: The most irrefutable argument of them all.
Slot is not Klopp.
Klopp is Klopp.
Slot is Slot.
Basic biology.
Yet the #BringBackKlopp ultras insist this alone justifies dismissal. Funnily enough, many of these are the same fans who demanded Klopp’s sacking during the ill-fated 2020/21 season, a title-defending year when Liverpool used so many centre backs that the club briefly considered turning to a hobbling and crotch-crutching Phil Babb.
Klopp, in my estimation, is a better manager than Slot, and the legendary German will always hold a special place in the hearts of all Liverpool fans but there is no scenario – none – in which he returns as manager. Unless someone invents cloning technology, and even then, he would probably take a sabbatical.
If not Slot, then who? Which managerial unicorn guarantees a league title, FA Cup, Champions League, and a thousand goals by May? Erik ten Hag?
Let’s have a moment of perspective. Slot is the fastest Liverpool manager to reach 100 league points (in 48 games, record tied with Sir Kenny Dalglish); 10 Premier League wins (in 12 games); 20 wins in all competitions (in 24 games); and almost certainly, the least hair of any Liverpool title-winning manager.
But sure, sack him.
In comparison, Manchester United have had six managers since Alex Ferguson retired in 2013. In that time, they have collected one Europa League, two FA Cups, and two League Cups. Their crowning achievement in the last decade may actually be a Guiness World Record for Most Severance Packages Delivered in a Premier League Era.
Liverpool, in the same period, won two Premier League titles, one Champions League, one UEFA Super Cup, one FIFA Club World Cup, one FA Cup, and two League Cups.
Why? Because they gave Klopp time to build a dynasty, one Slot might yet expand, assuming he is not flung into the Mersey first.
If we must panic, then fine, but at least wait until May. If Liverpool finish the season without a trophy and 20 points behind the champions…panic away. If the team somehow contrives to finish below Manchester United…unleash the sirens. But until then, maybe let’s not treat every poor result like a meteor strike.
Fun fact: Singapore qualified for their first Asian Cup on merit after beating Hong Kong. The Football Association of Singapore is reportedly preparing to sack interim head coach Gavin Lim in anticipation of losing all three games in 2027 in Saudi Arabia by an aggregate score of 0-15.
Liverpool manager Arne Slot was briefly linked as a replacement for him, until Liverpool fans demanded the immediate sacking of the manager rumoured to be replacing Slot, triggering the pre-emptive sacking of the manager Liverpool have not yet appointed to replace the manager they have not yet sacked.
Slot out? Please. Let’s at least allow the man to finish the season before we declare the collapse of civilisation.
